Posted: 9:01 AM - Aug 07, 2011
GBOwner
Claybourne-Please start the scenario for the continuation of AYBS RPG #10.

Thanks,
GBOwner

Posted: 2:10 AM - Aug 08, 2011
Claybourne
Another boring day at Grace Brothers finally comes to a close and the staff are eager to have their photo shoot.
The scene opens to the first floor, where Harmon and his team have set up a backdrop cloth (dark grey) as well as the plants from the day before. Three large fans are in place; one on each side and one in front. We see a pair of tripods with cameras sitting on top.
Mr Humphries enters with a pair of women in their mid to late thirties. One is about his height, has long dark hair, and a camera strapped to her neck. The other is blonde-ish, slightly taller, very thin, and her hair is short and spiked. She's quite feminine compared to the other.

Humphries: Oh, I'm so glad you could come tonight. The others should be ready at any moment.

Linda: Good, 'cuz I've got a wedding to do early tomorrow morning. I can't be out late tonight.

Humphries: So, are we still on for mud wrestling at The Eagle tomorrow night?

Amelia: (in thick American accent) You betcher ass! You better git up in the ring with me tomorrow, buddy-boy!

Humphries: Don't forget I was a wrestler back in school! They called me Hugger Humphries!

Linda: They had to pull you off people, yeah yeah, we know. Come on, let's get this started.

Humphries: Right! Is everyone ready? Mr Lucas? Miss Brahms? Mrs Slocombe? Mr Grainger? Captain Peacock?

Posted: 2:26 AM - Aug 08, 2011
Madman42q
(comes out in the backless dress, wearing a pair of fashionable high heels; her hair cascades over her shoulders and her make-up is flawless)

'Ere I am! (nearly trips in her shoes) Blimey, these shoes are painful. I don't know why I picked 'em out.
Mrs Slocombe's just finished wif 'er make-up. She'll be out in just a minute. You should see 'ow she's done 'erself up. She looks a real treat! That Jim bloke's in for a real surprise when 'e meets 'er.

Posted: 10:35 AM - Aug 08, 2011
David
I'm almost ready Mr. Humphries I'm just straightening up my hose!

Posted: 10:37 AM - Aug 08, 2011
sueschmitt
Umm sorry about that David forgot which RPG he was in!

I'm ready Mr. Humphries I'm just straightening up my hose! She finally comes out of the fitting room looking very glamourous

Posted: 10:52 AM - Aug 08, 2011
Libby_W
I'm ready Mr. Humphries. <walking out in the same attire as the night before, only with his hair greased back just a little for that wet look, and a towell strapped around the shoulders>

<Stopped to look at Ms. Brahms and Mrs. Slocumbe>

You two look absolutely delightful. ok

May have to take a few extra photos for me own.

Mr. Humphries, are you sure we're not doing glamour shots tonight? < taking Mrs. Slocumes' hand and kissing the top>

<glancing at the photo crew, shivers> We're not!

Posted: 10:54 AM - Aug 08, 2011
Charlie
I'm ready Mr. Humphries! Captain Peacock comes out dressed in his snappy suit, shoes, hat and umbrella.

Posted: 9:42 PM - Aug 08, 2011
Claybourne
Humphries: Right! Let's get started. Mr Lucas, get up there and get to work!

Linda: (kneeling down and getting in position) Alright, pretend you're checking out the surf. Yes, that's it! (starts snapping photos) Hmmm...Amy, turn on those lights for me. And someone turn on the fans.

Amelia turns on a few very bright lights, which temporarily blind Mr Lucas. He throws a hand up to shield his eyes and ends up smacking Captain Peacock by accident. The fans come on and blow Captain Peacock's hat off.

Linda: Oh boy. Right, everyone but Mr Lucas over here. Now Mr Lucas, here's your inspiration: it's a hot summer day. You're on holiday in Australia at the beach. Several half-naked women are watching you because you're a big surfing champion and about to go out into the water. Now give us a few good poses!

Posted: 10:28 PM - Aug 08, 2011
RideUpWithWear
Lucas prepares to do his routine, as Grainger silently enters the floor and stands next to Peacock. Peacock bends over to pick up his hat that had fallen on to the floor.

Grainger puts his pipe into his mouth ...

(I'm not sure that I should light my pipe in such a small space ...)

Grainger stands in the corner, wearing his pinstripe suit, brown leather shoes, fedora, with a pipe in his mouth.

Posted: 11:32 PM - Aug 08, 2011
Claybourne
Oh! It's my grandfather to a T! You look perfect, Mr Grainger.

Posted: 6:37 PM - Aug 09, 2011
RideUpWithWear
Grainger blushes after hearing the compliment. He does a little bow.

"Thank you Mr. Humpries ... you just made my day."

Posted: 6:57 PM - Aug 09, 2011
sueschmitt
I hope this doesn't take too long. Jim's supposed to meet me at the pub by 8. I do hope he likes this although it might be a bit too posh for the pub one should make a good impression on a first meeting.

Posted: 10:01 PM - Aug 09, 2011
Libby_W
<standing there, trying to pose with that bright light in his face. holding the board under the arm and looking out with his hand over his eyes. moves slowly from the left to the right in that position to let Linda get shots. then grabs the beach ball and holds it up as if he had just caught it. blows a gasp of air.>

Blimey, that lights bright. < complaining as he takes the towel and wipes the sweat from his forehead and chest > < hears swoons and giggles from the cleaning ladies and other standbyers, and grins as he wraps the towel around his neck and poses still life. >

I need a lady model, < he declares. > Ms. Brahms, take your clothes off and pose in your undies with me. < snickers>

Posted: 11:47 PM - Aug 09, 2011
Madman42q
Not on your nelly! (picks up a bucket of water nearby and douses Lucas with it)
There! That should cool you off.

Posted: 12:16 AM - Aug 10, 2011
Claybourne
Humphries: That should dampen his ardour! (laughs)

Lucas is soaking wet and mumbling under his breath.

Linda: No! Wait! That's perfect! (takes a few more shots) Excellent! Now, who's next?

Humphries: I think Captain Peacock and Mrs Slocombe should pose together then separately. Then Captain Peacock with Mr Grainger, Mr Grainger by himself, then Mrs Slocombe by herself, Miss Brahms by herself, then the ladies together, then perhaps a group shot.

Linda: Sounds good. Okay, let's take care of the ladies first. Miss Brahms? Mrs Slocombe?

They start to walk over when Slocombe slips on the wet floor and is fortunately caught under the arms by Humphries and Captain Peacock.

Humphries: Glass of brandy for Mrs Slocombe. Mop for Mr Lucas.

Posted: 2:26 AM - Aug 10, 2011
RideUpWithWear
A few minutes later ...

Grainger: Mrs. Slocombe are you alright?

Slocombe is sitting down in a chair away from the cameras, having a brandy.

Posted: 1:42 PM - Aug 10, 2011
sueschmitt
These lights are awfully hot aren't they Mr. Grainger? I'm coming Mr. Humphries!

Posted: 4:46 PM - Aug 10, 2011
RideUpWithWear
By this time, Lucas had finished drying the floor. Grainger scratches his head, the lights didn't feel that hot, blinding yes, but they had no temeprature ...

Grainger: (How much brandy did we give Mrs. Slocombe? Well, she doesn't look too bad ...)

Slocombe gets out of her chair and heads toward where the cameras are positioned. She starts to make a pose ...

Posted: 11:57 PM - Aug 10, 2011
Madman42q
Mrs Slocombe! Are you alright? Blimey, I didn't think about the floor getting so slippery. Good thing Mr Humphries and Captain Peacock are so quick. Let me get you another brandy.

Posted: 2:17 PM - Aug 11, 2011
sueschmitt
Oh thank you Miss Brahams! Captain Peacock, Mr. Rumbold you were wonderful to catch me so quick. I could have done myself a right mischief with a fall!

Where would you like me Mr. Humphries?

Posted: 8:31 PM - Aug 11, 2011
Libby_W
Ohh, feeling bad soaking the floor but not me now huh? < sounding sarcastic as he plops the wet mop into the bucket>

I might catch me self a death of cold. < faking a sneeze >

achoo!!! see there? Wanna nurse me back to health? < onery grin to Ms. Brahm while watching Mrs. Slocumbe pose>

Posted: 11:46 PM - Aug 11, 2011
Madman42q
It's too bad YOU didn't slip and fall, Mr Lucas. The blow to your 'ead might knock a little decency into you!

Stands with Slocombe and Linda takes several shots as they pose; Linda then takes a few shots of Brahms by herself

Ooh, I feel so sexy! Wonder what Nick will fink of these!

Posted: 11:53 PM - Aug 11, 2011
Claybourne
Humphries: Very nice! Alright, let's get a couple shots with just Mrs Slocombe and then a group shot. I know you want to get out of here and meet your gentleman, so we're going to get your shots done as quickly as possible.

Linda takes several snaps of Slocombe by herself, then with Peacock, and lastly a group shot

Linda: Great! I think we're done. You've got pretty good form there, ya know?

Humphries: Well done, dear! You still look a little peaky. Sit down and have another brandy before you go and get changed.
Alright, Captain Peacock! You're next. Then we'll have Mr Grainger join you, then Miss Brahms.

Peacock gives Brahms a knowing smile, which she doesn't return

Posted: 11:59 PM - Aug 11, 2011
RideUpWithWear
Grainger yawned loudly after Humphries announced that Peacock would be in the next solo picture. He struggled to stay awake, knowing that he would have to pose next by himself. Peacock strikes a militaristic pose.

Posted: 3:11 PM - Aug 12, 2011
Mr R Martland
Young Mr Grace enters with Goddard, his Nurse and his Secretary
GOOD EVENING EVERYBODY!
Good evening Mr Grace

Ah, it's good to see that everything is going smoothly.
Carry on, carry on! You've all done verywell!
Thank you Mr Grace

Come along Miss Bakewell, I promised to take you out to diner...
Yes, Mr Grace

Posted: 4:11 PM - Aug 12, 2011
Charlie
As all the staff bow and utter "Thank you Mr. Grace".

Can I get out of this gear now Mr. Humphries?

Posted: 7:42 PM - Aug 12, 2011
Libby_W
<giggles> If Mrs. Slocombe has any more brandies, she won't reconize that Jim fella, or vicie-versa!

Ms. Brahms, perhaps you and me should go with Mrs. Slocumbe when she meets up with this chap to make sure all goes well. And if it doesn't, to make sure she gets her drunken deirre home safely.

Posted: 9:21 PM - Aug 12, 2011
RideUpWithWear
Grainger: Mr. Lucas do not mock Mrs. Slocombe! On the other hand, perhaps someone should arrange to have her dropped off at her dinner engagement ... that is if she still intends on meeting that gentleman.

Posted: 12:57 AM - Aug 13, 2011
Claybourne
Humphries: Yes, I think we've got enough snap shots now of everyone. We can all go home.
I think Mr Lucas is right; someone needs to chaperone Mrs Slocombe tonight and make sure she doesn't get into trouble.

Brahms: We'll look after 'er. C'mon, Dick. And you mind your manners tonight, you 'ear? Lemme get changed out of this frock.

Humphries: Come on, Linda. I'll help you and Amelia pack this lot up.

Posted: 7:58 PM - Aug 13, 2011
RideUpWithWear
Grainger walks to the Gents' departmental telphone. He telephones his wife.

Grainger: Hello dear. Yes, we are finished photographing and we are allowed to go home now. Oh I see.

Apparently, Mrs. Grainger had already finished eating dinner. He either had to cook his own dinner upon arriving at home, or have dehydrated Japanese noodles for dinner. Grainger winces.

Grainger: Well I shall see you soon. Good bye.

Grainger goes into the fitting room to change into his everyday clothes. He then comes out in his normal clothes and prepares to go home.

Posted: 10:13 PM - Aug 13, 2011
Libby_W
I'm sorry Mr. Grainger. Seeing we was off the clock, being ourselves...and I know that she can take a gag...I lost sight that we were here to have a little fun and just be carefree. I do apologize for any feelings or bottoms hurt tonight during this session.

Posted: 1:34 AM - Aug 14, 2011
Claybourne
As the others file out Humphries sticks around and puts away the plants, drop-cloths, and helps Linda and Amelia pack their gear.

Linda: Ohhhhhh boy. We've got a problem.

Humphries: What's wrong?

Linda: I forgot to put new film in my camera. We only got about half the shots.

Humphries: What?! But - but everybody's left already! What do we do? What do we do?!

Linda: I have an idea... Amelia, call Sandra and Bobby. Clay, do you still look good in a dress?

Humphries: (whimpers) Y-y-yes...

Meanwhile, Brahms and Lucas are escorting Slocombe to her date and acting as chaperones so she doesn't do herself a mischief...

Posted: 1:40 AM - Aug 14, 2011
Madman42q
Has changed into her usual street clothes; a dark green mid-riff shirt, Daisy Dukes, and wedges

C'mon Betty. Dick and I are gonna take you to meet Jim. You look a real treat tonight! I just hope Dick minds 'is manners and acts like a gentleman while we're out. That Jim fella better not try anything, either, or I'll jab 'im in the 'ands wif my can opener!

Leads Betty up to the lift, followed closely by Dick, who's watching her Daisy Dukes with a glint in his eye

Posted: 6:29 PM - Aug 14, 2011
Libby_W
{mm, mm, mmm..why does she taunt me?}

<slight grin as he and Mrs. Slocumbe turns in the lift and the doors close>

{I must resist, it's the only way}, <biting down on his lower lip as he looks Ms. Brahms over while the lift lowers down to the main floor. >

Ah, yes....<clears throat> did you notice that Linda and Mr. Humphries were still talking and rummaging around? I wonder what that was all about?

Posted: 9:59 PM - Aug 14, 2011
RideUpWithWear
Waits outside Grace Brothers for a taxi. He tries to flag down a taxi that is approaching Grace Brothers. The taxi is already occupied and drives past Grace Brothers. Grainger frowns and waits for the next taxi to drive near the entrance of Grace Brothers.

Posted: 12:17 AM - Aug 15, 2011
sueschmitt
Oh yes Miss Brahams thank you so much I'm quite glad that you and Mr. Lucas are going to come along with me. I think there must have been something wrong with those last few brandies I've gotten quite dizzy and its still awfully warm in here isn't it? My word it does look like there is something else going on with Mr. Humphries. You think we should go back and see what is going on? He might need help.

Posted: 12:27 AM - Aug 15, 2011
Madman42q
Nah. Come on! We're looking forward to meeting this Jim fella. An' if 'e tries anyfing I'll take you 'ome while Dick 'ere sorts 'im out! Right, Dick?

Posted: 7:06 PM - Aug 15, 2011
Libby_W
That's right Shirley...I'll handle that American if he messes with me ladies. <looking yonder thru the doors, sees old man Grainger> Say, that looks like Grainger standing over there...should we ask if he wants to tag along?

Posted: 1:20 AM - Aug 16, 2011
Madman42q
That's not a bad idea. Oi! Mr Grainger? Are you free?

Posted: 3:04 PM - Aug 16, 2011
sueschmitt
Next thing I know we'll be carting Captain Peacock and Mr. Rumbold with us to the pub! Mind you that might not be a bad idea. Are you lot up for a darts match tonight? Grace Brothers really should get up a darts team you know. Larry and Willets has one.

Posted: 9:40 PM - Aug 16, 2011
RideUpWithWear
Oh, hello! Are you going to meet your special friend Jim, Mrs. Slocombe?

Posted: 9:46 PM - Aug 16, 2011
Libby_W
Ya know, I might do a few games of darts me self...just to keep me eyes on you and Shirley during the evenin'. < Stating as he tried to hail a taxi. Shirley was over talking to Mr. Grainger while he , too, was trying to get his own taxi.

While you two try to get a taxi, I'm goin' back in to see if Mr. Humphries is done yet. Perhaps him and his "ladie" <did the finger movements> buddies would like to join us later.

If you happen to get a taxi, I'll meet up with you later.

< upon stating, left Mrs. Slocumbe on a bench in Ms. Brahms view, and turned, went back into the building.
getting into the lifts, up the floor, exiting the lifts to see...

Mr. Humphries in Ms. Brahms dress, stockings and heels, wig, big feather hat and silk gloves...

jaw dropped as he stood there to watch Mr. Humphries turn and pose, holding a handbag, then turn again, and cover his face with a hanky.

shaking head, giggling, sees the other assistant dressed in Mr. Graingers suit with a toupee and fake moustache, pipe and cane.>

Well, by golly. < clapping hands as he walks down the stairs and startles all> What do we have here. I've always wondered what you do on your time off. < snickers>

I was gonna ask you if you wanted to join me and Shirley to chaparone Mrs. Slocumbe's date...but, I see you're having a little rondevue of ya own.< laughes>

Posted: 11:22 PM - Aug 16, 2011
Claybourne
Linda has called in two of her mates to help with make-up and to pose as models. Meanwhile, Humphries has put on Brahms' outfit and is trying a few poses. He hears Lucas and stops; he turns his head ever-so-slowly to face him.

Humphries: I know exactly what you're thinking and it's not true. I'm only doing this because SOMEONE forgot to change the film in her camera so we only got about half the shots!

Linda: Quit whining and get back to work! Besides, you look kinda hot in that frock. I may just ditch Amelia... (gives him a grin)

Amelia: (rolls her eyes) Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

Humphries: Anyway, we're almost done. Don't tell the others, alright? I was going to explain on Monday after we get the sales book done. I was also hoping no one would recognise me in this lot. I've got on more make-up than Tammy Faye Bakker! You go ahead and have your darts game with the others. As soon as we're done here I'm going home and having a very stiff drink or five. Then I've got to get ready for the train tomorrow. I'm going to Littlehampton and staying with my cousin Neville Saturday night. You know, he's just inherited his father's rock factory. I'll bring everyone back some peppermint balls.

Posted: 10:50 AM - Aug 17, 2011
Libby_W
< big cheeky grin> heh heh heh heh eheeh, Ya know. Linda's right. You do look hot! <giggles>

Alright, I won't tell, I'll let it be a surprise. And what a whopper it will be!

<walks over to Linda and elbows her> whatta way to spend more time with 'im, forgetting to reload...brilliant!

<turning walking back up the stairs to the lifts>

Alrighty then, I'm off to watch over the girls. With Mrs. Slocumbe meeting this American gent and Ms. Brahms in those Daisy duke shorts, I'm gonna have one heck of a night before me. <entering the lifts>

I just hope I survive! <lifts close>

Posted: 5:05 PM - Aug 17, 2011
sueschmitt
Goodness Miss Brahams we should have been at the pub by now. I hope Jim didn't think I was standing him up. I did warn him that I might be late because of work. They don't give you much time to have a private life at all at Grace Brothers! Oh hello Mr. Grainger are you going to join us at the pub? You're very welcome to since Mrs. Grainger has already ate dinner. They have fish n chips there for munchies tonight and they do them very well.

Posted: 9:35 PM - Aug 17, 2011
Madman42q
Brahms: We are at the pub, Betty. Look. She points the a sign above a door. 'Ere comes Dick now. Oh, let's go in and get a drink. I could do wif a nice strong John Thomas.

Lucas: (stares at her, shocked) Really?!

Brahms: (facepalms) Not that. I meant a John Collins. Oh let's go in.

They enter the pub and find a table near the entrance where they can watch for Jim

Brahms: I'll go get the drinks and order some fish 'n chips. What's everyone drinking?

Posted: 8:34 PM - Aug 18, 2011
Libby_W
Just a beer for me. < sitting, watching the place. strange to be here on a friday night, without a date, but chaparoning an older lady and making sure her matching up with an American doesn't go into a tizzy. But, at least, Mr. Grainger is here to talk too, hopefully he can stay awake...lol>

Posted: 1:51 AM - Aug 19, 2011
Madman42q
Gets two pints of beer, a John Collins, and a gin and tonic; the pubkeep brings over a couple baskets of hot fish and chips

What's this Jim fella look like, Betty? Is he all big an' muscley wif tattoos on 'is arms? I'll bet 'e's real tall an' 'as a thick beard.

Posted: 9:51 AM - Aug 19, 2011
Libby_W
I don't know Shirley, he may be short and fat like that gent there,<motioning towards a stowtish redhead man> or, real skinny and bald like that one. <motioning towards one that looked like a biker.>

It's hard tellin' with him being an American chap.

Posted: 6:52 PM - Aug 19, 2011
RideUpWithWear
Grainger doesn't touch his drink right away. He tries to locate the American that
Slocombe was planning to meet. Grainger gives up and has some beer.

A man walks toward their table, but apparently it wasn't this Jim fellow because he seemed to head to the gents' washroom that was past their table.

The four stayed at their table as they wondered about how to find this Jim fellow.

Posted: 10:57 PM - Aug 19, 2011
Madman42q
A forty-something fellow comes in with dark red hair; he's about 6'1", beefy, and is wearing a red flannel shirt with boot-cut jeans and hiking boots; he's holding a single long-stemmed rose and carrying a bottle of Bluecoat; he spies Slocombe and smiles as he comes over

Brahms: I think Jim's just come in.

Lucas: Which one?

Brahms: The one carrying a rose and a bottle of gin.

Jim: You must be Betty Slocombe. (hands her the rose) Why yer even purtier than I imagined! I snuck a bottle of summa our stuff from my last trip back home. Thought you might like t'try some. Bluecoat American dry gin!

Posted: 11:01 PM - Aug 19, 2011
Claybourne
Meanwhile...back on the first floor...

Linda: Okay, I think we're done. Nice work, Clay. You're a natural!

Humphries: You coulda fooled me. (stares down at the frock they put him in)

Amelia: Go get changed and we'll put this stuff up.

Humphries: GLADLY! This just isn't me at all... (mutters to himself as he minces into the fitting room)

Posted: 10:40 AM - Aug 20, 2011
sueschmitt
Mrs. Slocumbe has dropped her jaw in complete surprise at Jim's appearance. Secretly she thought he was going to stand her up and so did her friends which is why they came along to support her. Its good to have friends like them she thinks. She struggles to rise in the confining dress. You're Jim she asks?

Jim: They give each other a huge hug. You could tell he at first thought Miss Brahams was Mrs. Slocumbe but he recovered very well without Mrs. Slocumbe noticing. Yes ma'am I'm Jim! I'm the one you've been talking to on the CB and brought you a bottle of our gin for you to try since you said that your favorite liquor is gin. Don't know if it will be as strong as your stuff here appears to be. That ale gives you quite a kick. I was drinking with this one fella in a pub down in Kent and we was drinking something called Cripple Dick. Only took 3 of them to knock me out. I don't remember how I got back to my truck. I remember asking the barmaid why they called it such a silly name and the label on the bottle was of an upside down holly leaf and its berries made it look well um... She gave a giggle and told me to drink 12 of them and try to come talk to her. I have no idea what she meant by that phrase. I'm still getting used to the lingo here you know. I'm finding out though there isn't much difference between the people here and Texas. I'm beginning to feel quite at home. Mrs. Slocumbe its been a real treat to have you to talk to on the CB and all I'm glad we've finally hooked up in person after all this time. Why don't you introduce me to your friends?

Mrs. Slocumbe has finally come back to herself after Jim's speech. Well ladies first, this is Miss Brahams (Jim shakes her hand). She is my assistant on the ladies counter. Mr. Lucas is sitting next to her he is the junior on the men's counter (Jim shakes his hand). That older gentleman on the other side of Mr. Lucas is Mr. Grainger. Mr. Grainger is the senior assistant on the men's counter. Mr. Grainger is also asleep. Mr. Lucas can you arose him for me so he can meet Jim properly. You know Jim, this is way past his bed time and he's fair knackered.

Mr. Lucas: Mr. Grainger are you free? Mr. Grainger wakes up with a start yes, yes I'm free! Mrs. Slocumbe's friend Jim here would like to meet you. Mr. Grainger Jim, Jim Mr. Grainger.

Mrs. Slocumbe: Captain Peacock, is the floorwalker I've been telling you about he went home. Mr. Rumbold, the head of the department also departed. Mr. Humphries well she searched for a word to describe Mr. Humphries. Mr. Humphries remained behind at the store on the floor to clean up after we had our photo shoot for our new store sale papers we're going to start using to boost sales

Posted: 3:07 PM - Aug 20, 2011
Libby_W
So, Jim, how long are ya here for? What kind of business do ya do? That was some grip you had there. Ever do some lumberjacking? <laughs>

Posted: 12:20 AM - Aug 21, 2011
Madman42q
Brahms: Give over, Dick. (rolls her eyes)

Jim: S'gonna take me a while to learn ya'll's lingo here. Before I left someone done told me that ya'll call a elevator a lift, an' my truck's a lorry. What else? Tea is dinner, depending on the time of day. The trunk of yer car is the boot, an' on the front you got the bonnet instead of the hood. I got a good many a them memorised but I'll tell you, Betty, when you was talkin' 'bout your cat a few times...well, let's just say that I was a-thinkin' o'somethin' mighty different at first 'til I caught on!

Brahms: What'd you think she was talking about?

Slocombe: That'll do, Shirley.

Brahms: (it dawns on her what Jim was thinking and she grins, then she looks quite cross when she looks over at the bar) Of all the bloody...there's Nick! An' he's snogging some blonde bird! 'E said 'e was goin' over to 'is mum's to fix 'er bathroom faucets! Oooh, I should go over there an' give 'im a piece o' my mind!

Posted: 12:01 PM - Aug 21, 2011
Libby_W
Let's do one better, Shirley...<suggests Mr. Lucas> Let's dance, and make sure he sees us. we can do a little dirty dancing...<elbowing Shirley and onery heh heh heh>, OR, a slow romantic dance.

<Shirley thinks about it for awhile. Looking over at Nick, and seeing him with that blonde after lying about being at his mums, just made her see red. >

Shirley: Alright Dick, just watch yor hands.

<They both get up from their table and walk to the dance floor. The band just started playing a spicy tune...~I Need A HERO~, He takes Shirley by the waist and they start out close and steady. A glow on Mr. Lucas' face as he can't believe that he's finally this close to Ms. Brahms, and better yet, a REVENGE dance...{she will be a little naughty just for spite} he thinks as they dance to the the chorus.....

And he was right...right at the chorus, where it gets faster in pace, she let it loose...{beautiful} he thinks as they take over the floor, one of her barretts come loose and her hair starts to fly, flowing free with the moves of the dance...

everyone stops to watch these two dance the dance of seduction and lust.

even NICK.

ending the dance with Dick holding Shirley in a stance bending over her and her in a leaned back position with her arm held up over her head straight and leg kicked out.

Posted: 9:37 PM - Aug 21, 2011
sueschmitt
Oh that's right Jim I should have warned you that over here we call cats pussies or moggies. Don't forget that a bird here doesn't just mean the ones that fly either (as she chuckles). Oh my this gin tastes quite nice Jim. This was so thoughtful of you. What have you found over here to drink that you like so far? What do you like to eat?

Jim: Well I do like the tea over here better than back home. You see we don't drink as much tea as you lot do its mostly expensive coffee. I'm still feeling my way around as it were on the alcoholic beverages (he laughs). You know I was right surprised to find out that English food isn't boring at all. I don't know why they spread that nasty rumor back home that you Brits have boring food. Lets see I've tried some steaknkidney pie, shepherds pie, fishnchips, sausage rolls, a nice roast of lamb, pork pie, what's that dish with the sausage and cabbage well whatever that name is that is quite good and that yorkshire pudding thing although why the pudding part is called that is beyond me and something called toad in the hole which aside from what its name implies is quite tasty. What I really like is how you lot do up a breakfast! Now that will get you stoked up for the day. Those bacon butty's are also quite tasty. I'm glad that the pubs have such good meals. Its very hard for a truck driver to get a home cooked meal when they're on the road most of the time. Sorry lorry driver.

Posted: 12:19 AM - Aug 22, 2011
Madman42q
. o O ( Blimey! I never knew Dick could dance like this! I'm actually sweating a bit. Bet ol' Nick's green with envy! )

The song ends and the two return to the table; Nick comes over and whispers urgently into Shirley's ear but she shrugs him off; he continues and she gets cross

Oi! Sod off, you bleedin' berk! I see 'ow it is now. (she scoots her chair closer to Dick's) You can just keep walkin', ya bleedin' wog. I'm with much better company tonight.

Nick leaves, looking a bit discouraged; later he slips out the back with the blonde looking quite chipper

Thank you, Dick. That was very sweet. (she gives Dick a peck on the cheek) But 'ere, where'd you learn to dance like that?

Posted: 8:28 PM - Aug 22, 2011
sueschmitt
Mrs. Slocumbe: Well Jim you'll have to come over for dinner at my place one weekend. I'd be glad to make you a traditional British Sunday dinner. Mind you I have a roommate Mrs. Axelby. I'm sure you two would get along just fine. You'll get to meet my pussy Tiddles and my bird Winston.

Jim: It would be my pleasure to visit ya for dinner Mrs. Slocumbe! You know its refreshing to find a woman that is not afraid to stay at home and cook. Most women in the states if you want dinner you're more than likely having to make it yourself. I know, I'll make something that we eat for ya on Saturday and you make me dinner on Sunday. I have the spices with me and to tell you the truth I'm getting a bit homesick for our comfort food. That is if you wouldn't mind spending a weekend with me.

Mrs. Slocumbe getting all coy: Why no Jim that would be just delightful. I'm glad you're such a gent. You know my friends came along with me to make sure I was safe. They've heard stories about you Texans and of course being a lorry driver as well, well you can guess their concern.

Jim: Oh yes I can Mrs. Slocumbe but rest assured my Mum raised a gentleman. I'm not taking any liberties with you that is unwanted. You let me know which weekend you want to spend together and I'll arrange my deliveries.

Posted: 9:15 PM - Aug 22, 2011
Libby_W
<feeling very pleased with himself, taking a swig of beer> Actually, Shirley, me mum taught me before she got all crippled up. I used to help her teach lessons while growing up.

I got to say...you're pretty light on your feet, and we did mop the floor!

Would you like to try another? Perhaps a slow rumble?

Posted: 12:45 AM - Aug 23, 2011
Madman42q
Looks over at Betty and Jim getting all cozy and has an idea

Y'know, I think these two are going to be just fine. Whaddya say we let them be for tonight, get Grainger 'ere home safe an' sound, and grab a coffee over at Beppo's?

Posted: 2:12 AM - Aug 23, 2011
RideUpWithWear
Grainger realized that Jim and Betty were hitting it off. He watched along with everyone as Dick and Shirley danced ...

He started to feel out of place. He got up from his seat ... and slipped away to the washroom ...

Posted: 10:51 AM - Aug 23, 2011
Libby_W
Sounds like a good idea. The poor chap is probably feeling out of place being up so late. I'll go find him and meet you at the exit.

Posted: 7:41 PM - Aug 24, 2011
RideUpWithWear
Grainger emerges from the washroom just as Lucas returns to the table where Jim and Slocombe are talking.

Mr. Lucas, it seems that the two lovebirds are getting along fine without us. I think I should go home now because it is getting late.

Posted: 8:39 PM - Aug 24, 2011
Libby_W
Alright Mr. Grainger, me and Shirley will walk you out and hail a taxi for you.

Posted: 9:17 PM - Aug 24, 2011
Madman42q
The three walk outside and get a taxi for Grainger; once he's on his way home Shirley and Dick look a bit awkward for a moment until...

C'mon. Let's go get a coffee at Beppo's. I could do with a quick nosh, too.

Posted: 2:04 PM - Aug 25, 2011
sueschmitt
Betty and Jim are still chatting away unaware that they have been deserted by Mrs. Slocumbe's friends. Eventually they drift over to the dart board and begin playing a game.

Jim: You didn't tell me you knew how to play darts Betty as he watches her make one bulls eye after another.

Mrs. Slocumbe: Oh I play darts a time or two and I'm on a couple of leagues. You didn't tell me you was as good as you are Jim.

Posted: 3:51 PM - Aug 25, 2011
Madman42q
Over at Beppo's, Shirley's ordered a coffee and a sandwich

You've been awfully sweet tonight, Dick. I've almost forgotten you're a sex-crazed hormonal twit. (she raises an eyebrow) What's your game?

Posted: 7:08 PM - Aug 26, 2011
Libby_W
<half cocked grin> No game Shirley...<looking over at her while sipping his cup of coffee> Just let me tell ya this...being honest here...

I've been mad about you since your department was moved down to our floor. That stupid "sexy knickers" letter was meant for you. But Mrs. Slocumbe got hold of it instead.

I do go out on dates. Me mother pushes me to. But, <sighes> I do it to satisfy her, of her wanting me to find that certain someone...<takes another sip>

Me mother may have taught me to dance, but she also taught me how to treat a lady...

<getting a "yeah right" look on Shirleys face>

I know, it's an act...< laughs > really. It's my weird way of teasing.

Me father taught me to be a handyman. He always told mum that dancing would make me a fluff...so hard maintenance is the thing to mold me into a man.

And, during work time with him, he would tell me things that should be done with women...and let me say,

If you were my girl, you'd NEVER catch me out with another bird.

Posted: 10:12 PM - Aug 26, 2011
Madman42q
. o O ( Is he full of it or is he being honest? Hmmm... If only he wasn't so cute... Maybe I have been a bit hard on him. Maybe he's different when he's not around the blokes at work. He does like to act like a macho man in from of Humphries. Probably to show him how it's done. Clay's not exactly masculine. Oh dear. Dick's stopped talking. I should probably say something. Alright Shirley...stay cool, calm, collected...don't let him figure out you are a bit keen on him... )

Well, I s'pose I could give you a chance. I'll 'ave to cut things off properly with Nick first. 'E deserves a right duffin' up, 'e does. We'll go back to that pub when we're done 'ere and I'll tell him 'e can get stuffed!
Tell you what...you can come over tomorrow night and watch Doctor Who. I'll make a hot pot for us.

Posted: 6:41 PM - Aug 27, 2011
Libby_W
Are you sure you want to go back and confront 'im? I mean seein' 'im with that bird might light that fuse again and words could turn into fists.

< shorts laughs as he sips >

Posted: 12:49 AM - Aug 28, 2011
Madman42q
You 'ave a good point. But I don't like leaving things unfinished. I'll just tell 'im what a rotten bastard 'e is and we'll be off.

'Ow's your coffee? What did you order? I forgot.

Posted: 11:44 AM - Aug 28, 2011
Libby_W
Everythings fine here...If you feel you have too, then let's do it. But I want to be around just in case you need a friend.

Posted: 4:37 PM - Aug 28, 2011
Madman42q
. o O ( He's being awfully sweet. Hmmm...let's see how he acts when we're around the boys. )

They finish their meal, chatting amiably about this and that; they return to the pub, where they find Jim and Betty sitting at a corner table, getting very friendly; Shirley giggles behind her hand and nudges Dick

Lookit them! I can only imagine the report I'll get on Monday morning. Whatcha wanna bet she tells me nuffing 'appened an' she made 'im take 'er 'ome straight away? Ugh, it's too much. C'mon, let's go find Nick.

She spies Nick still at the pub counter with the blonde bird, getting very friendly indeed; Shirley storms over and grabs his arm; the sound of her berating Nick is drowned out by the introduction of Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting that suddenly started blasting from the juke box

Posted: 4:48 PM - Aug 28, 2011
Claybourne
Meanwhile... Claybourne, Linda, and Amelia have finally cleared everything up and left the store; he's exhausted and slightly ashamed

How could they do that to me? (whimpers) Green is just NOT my colour! And those shoes. Tsk! Oh, I could do with a stiff drink. Maybe I will stop by the pub and see how things are going with Mrs Slocombe and that Jim fellow. Dick might be there still. I am quite tired. I think I'll just have one drink then I'll go home. After all, I do have that train to catch in the morning...

Posted: 11:13 PM - Aug 28, 2011
RideUpWithWear
In the taxi cab on the way home ...

Grainger was happy to finally be heading home after such a long day. He paused and he wondered why Mr. Humphries had to say in later than the others. Oh well, he missed out on having fun at the pub. Tomorrow he could ask Slocombe about how her night was with Jim.

Posted: 8:17 PM - Aug 29, 2011
Libby_W
<Standing back alittle ways, watching Shirley and Nick have at it, even though the jukebox is blaring, the verbal fight between the two is getting heated up minute by minute...

then the blonde sticks her nose into the arguement, so it's two against one. But Shirley doesn't back down for a moment, she holds her ground firm.

Right then, Mr. Humphries walk in...

Humphries: What have I missed? <he asks as he finds Mr. Lucas and views Ms. Brahms and her ex in a heated rumble.>

Ahh, let me explain..< giggled Mr. Lucas, with his arms crossed, keeping an eye on the three, telling Mr. Humphries about Nick lying about his evening events and being found out...

all of a sudden...Nicks' hand forms a fist and raises in the air...

cutting short...> 'cuse me! <Mr. Lucas exclaimed as he jumped in front of Shirley and grabbed Nicks fist just as it fell short of her face...

squeezing his fist and bending it back...Shirley gasps as she jumps away from the blow and runs to Mr. Humphries...Both Humphries and Brahms are looking at Lucas.

Never have they seen that look in his eyes before...Nick is down on his knees as Mr. Lucas bends that fist back and leans in, talking to him as he applies pressure...his face turning redder as he talks to the man on the floor...

He says more and Nick crying, nods and he finally lets go of his hand. Nick shakes his hands and grabs it. Sits for a moment. Mr. Lucas turns and adjusts his collar and starts to walk toward Shirley and Claybourne when Nick gets up, pulls out a knife and runs towards Lucas...

Shirley screams....

Lucas turns around, grabs his hand which holds the knife and knees his groin. Nick releases the knife and Mr. Lucas goes at him...the bobbies are called in and both are arrested.>

Mr. Humphries, make sure Ms. Brahms get home safe. <Mr. Lucas calls out as he's escorted out in handcuffs.

Posted: 10:17 PM - Aug 29, 2011
Madman42q
We can't let them take 'im in like this!

Shirley races over to the office in charge and explains what happened; he shakes his head and tells her she can post bail as soon as they get him to the station

C'mon Clay. I'll call 'is mum an' see about gettin' 'im out. Oh, this is all my fault! If I 'adn't been so stubborn this never woulda 'appened!

Posted: 10:25 PM - Aug 29, 2011
Claybourne
Calm down, Shirley. I'll call his mother. See if you can find Mrs Slocombe and update her on the situation. We'll all go down to the station.

Claybourne goes outside and finds a call box; he dials Mrs Lucas and she answers straight away

Mrs Lucas? Hello! This is Dick's friend, Claybourne Humphries. Yes, that one. Y-yes...yes ma'am, that was a lovely evening. I agree. I shall never forget the Russian salad, either.
Look, I don't mean to interrupt but there's a slight situation. You see, Dick was just arrested a moment ago. Well, it seems that he was defending one of our coworkers when her ex-boyfriend tried to assault her, then he pulled a knife on Dick, who...yes, he did. How did you...? Really? How much do these courses cost? Really? I must sign up for one straight away. Anyway, we're about to go to the station and post his bail. Yes. Kensington station. Oh, thank you, Mrs Lucas! Yes! See you soon!

He races back inside and finds Shirley crying into Betty's shoulder

Don't worry, Mrs Lucas is on her way. Dick will be out in no time. And as there are so many witnesses, we can easily defend him in court when his case comes up. Now dry your tears, Love. Everything will be alright.

Posted: 10:28 PM - Aug 29, 2011
Madman42q
Oh, thank you Mr Hu- er, Claybourne. (dabs at her eyes with a handkerchief) C'mon. Let's go.

I'm real sorry, Mrs Slocombe. We didn't mean to mess up your date wif Jim. (she waves goodbye to them)

Posted: 9:48 AM - Aug 30, 2011
Libby_W
<sees the two enter, gets up and meets them at the bars>
Blimey, what a night! <slight grin with a shiner and a crack at the corner of his mouth>

Ms. Brahms: Are 'ou alright? <grabbing the bars and leaning in>

I'm fine, fine...just a little nick here and there. Heh, heh, heh...nick.

<Shirley and Claybourne just look at each other>

Mr. Humphries: Your mother should be here any minute now. You know, you never told me you took courses on kickboxing. What other mysterious items lurk behind you?

Well, Claybourne, I guess.....

GUARD: LUCAS!! You've made bail! < walking towards the cell and unlocking, releasing Mr. Lucas and he hugs Shirley and Claybourne. The three walk down the hall and out the door.

Mrs. Lucas: My boy, are you alright? < she asks as she walks over to him slowly with her cane and hugs him>

I'm fine momma. I'm sorry you had to come out so late. I'd like to introduce you to me friends. You know Mr. Humphries, Claybourne. < hand guides mum to Humphries and Humphries of course throws his charm and greets her>

And this is Ms. Brahms,< put arm around and pulls Shirley towards her>

Mrs. Lucas: Soo, this is the co-worker my Dickie was defending. <stating as she reaches out her crippled hand to shake Shirleys hand>

<Shirley does a small curtsey and shakes her hand> Yes, Ma'am. He's a hero. My hero.

Mrs. Lucas: I'm am proud of my Dickie. < reaches up and pats his cheek.> Now let's make sure all gets home. Me neighbour has the car running and will take all home. He is a dear, sweet man.

Posted: 1:05 AM - Aug 31, 2011
Madman42q
They walk out of the police station; Mrs Lucas leads them to a blue Cortina parked outside; she gets in while the others chat for a moment

Claybourne: You two run along. My bus should be here in a moment. (gives Dick a meaningful look) I'll see you both Monday morning!

A bus arrives a second later and Claybourne gets on along with a few OAPs

Shirley: I'm not far from here. D'you mind giving me a lift?

Dick: Sure, let's go.

They get in the car; a few minutes later they arrive at a block of semi-detached houses in Paddington; Dicks walks Shirley to her door

Shirley: Thanks for the lift. I'm so glad you're alright. You were so sweet and brave and... (she throws her arms around his neck and kisses him)

Posted: 8:59 AM - Aug 31, 2011
Libby_W
<big smile on face as the kiss stops>

One more for the road, eh? <He coos as he takes Shirley by the waist and pulls her closer, glides his free hand down the side of her face and to her chin, pulling her lips up to his. >

<After a minute of passionate embrace, he lets her go. She falls against her front door and sighes. >

<Bends over, picks a flower, hands it to her and bows...>

Until tomorrow night, my dear lady...< and blows a kiss >

Posted: 10:54 PM - Aug 31, 2011
Madman42q
Shirley is speechless; she reaches behind and finds the door handle; it's all she can do to keep from skipping into the house; soon she is ready for bed and falls asleep to some very nice dreams

Posted: 10:56 PM - Aug 31, 2011
Claybourne
Monday morning dawns bright and early on London; Humphries arrives about half an hour early, hoping that the new sales papers have arrived; he is eager to see how they look; he signs in and catches the watchful eye of the floorwalker

Good morning, Captain Peacock! Do you know when our sales papers will be arriving?

Posted: 2:51 PM - Sep 01, 2011
Kayla
Mrs. Slocumbe is look at Jim who is looking at everyone else!

My word what an evening. Jim do you mind if we pick this up at the weekend? We need to go sort this out and get Mr. Lucas out of the nick for assaulting Nick.

Jim: He was lucky I didn't see what was going on or he would have felt what the boys in my trucking firm call the hammer! Right lets go Betty we'll get this mess sorted out. I'm not leaving ya yet.

Posted: 2:58 PM - Sep 01, 2011
Charlie
Sorry about that Kayla forgot which RGP she was in!

Good morning Mr. Humphries! Mr. Rumbold said the sale papers are supposed to be ready by the doors at the opening bell which should be ringing shortly. How was your weekend? Did Mrs. Slocumbe have her date with Jim?

Posted: 3:02 PM - Sep 01, 2011
Jim
Mr. Rumbold comes out of the lift gates.

Good morning everybody! Mr.. Harmon just put the sale papers by the doors as I was coming in. I managed to grab a few for us to take a look. I must say Mr. Humphries your friend Linda did a marvelous job with the pictures. However, I'm very puzzled as to what happened with the shots of Mrs. Slocumbe and Miss Brahams. I'd know you in a dress any where Mr. Humphries but I must say you carried it off well. One wouldn't know it was you unless they knew you well.

Posted: 6:26 PM - Sep 01, 2011
Libby_W
<lifts ding and open, out comes Mr. Lucas with a shiner and eye closed and his lip cut at the corner. Mr. Humphries ACTS surprised along with Mr. Rumbold and Captain Peacock as they watch him walk down the stairs>

G'morning Mr. Rumbold, Capt. Peacock. Nice day, 'eh? <trying to keep head turned away as he signs in.

Posted: 6:45 PM - Sep 01, 2011
Deleted User
[THE DAILY NEWSPAPER]

EXTRA EXTRA!! Read all about it...Lovers spat turns to rumble at local club!

Yes sirre bob! This reporter has seen some matches in his days. But let me tell you. Never before have I ever seen the handy work of this young man that stepped in and saved a yound lady from getting wolloped from her ex-boyfriend during a lovers quarrel.

This young man was able to stop a punch in mid air, bring the chap down to his knees and make the bloke cry!

THEN, when he released the poor chappy and was walking away, the cry baby arose and pulled out a knife, and ran towards the man.

The stranger then turned, grabbed his wrist, kneed him and beat the bloody hell out of him until the bobbies came and arrested them both.

I had to find out who this young hero was. I went to the station, but they would not release the name of either chaps.

I came back to the club and the only one that would talk about the ordeal said that it was the most dramactic thing she had ever witnessed, and she was unaminious in that.

I will track down this unknown hero...Rest assured.

Posted: 11:03 PM - Sep 01, 2011
Madman42q
Brahms arrives with a sales paper in her hand, mouth agape, for she recognises Humphries as well

Blimey! You look a real treat in that lot, Mr Humphries. But why in the world did they use you instead of us?

She sees Lucas and gives him a subtle wink

Wotcher, Dicky! (slips him a note that has a tinge of her perfume on it)

Posted: 11:08 PM - Sep 01, 2011
sueschmitt
The lift doors ding and Mrs. Slocumbe looking rather the worse for wear in her face and hair.

Good morning everyone. I see the sale papers have been placed at the doors. What happened to the pictures of me and Miss Brahams Mr. Humphries? You did pull off a rather good picture in the other togs we were supposed to be pushing.

Miss Brahams, I'm glad to see that you and Mr. Lucas got home from the nick alright. Me and Jim followed you lot there and when we saw Mrs. Lucas alight we knew everything would be alright. What in the world happened that caused such an uproar? I thought you and Mr. Lucas had left with Mr. Grainger.

Posted: 11:09 PM - Sep 01, 2011
Claybourne
Humphries' lower lip wobbles and he blushes scarlet

Alright, that IS me in the paper. Linda forgot to put new film in her camera so she missed half the shots. Anyway, she called in some of her friends and they dressed me up, put make-up on me, gave me, er... (holds hands in front of his chest and mimes squeezing a pair of breasts) I had to walk around in bloody heels for an hour while they took more photographs. Fortunately, they did get the men and there were a few shots of the women. Look... (he points to a photo of Slocombe in her formal attire)
I won't ever do that again! Not for Grace Brothers, anyway. (minces off to his counter and he sees the morning newspaper; he whispers to Lucas) Someone made the front page this morning!

Posted: 4:41 PM - Sep 02, 2011
sueschmitt
Oh would you look at that Miss Brahams! Didn't we turn out lovely and so did you Mr. Humphries. That was good of you to stand in for us. What a shame that Linda forgot to reload her camera. Why doesn't she have one of those digital things that don't take film?

Posted: 7:23 PM - Sep 02, 2011
Libby_W
<taking the paper from Mr. Humphries and reading the article> Gah, Blimey...I do hope that blasted reporter don't find out who the blazes I am. Do keep it a secret Mr. Humphries. <whispering to Claybourne>

<takes the note that Shirley gave him and held it to his nose, inhaled and sighed...looking over softly loveydovey at the Ladies counter, sees Shirley and puckers a soft kiss towards her. Then places the perfumed note in his coat pocket and taps it with his hand with a big smile 😀 on his face>

Posted: 2:09 AM - Sep 03, 2011
Madman42q
Oh, you look a real treat in that frock, Mrs Slocombe.

Waits until her superior isn't looking and blows a kiss to Lucas

Right, gossip time! What'd you lot do after you left the pub? DETAILS!

Posted: 2:12 AM - Sep 03, 2011
Claybourne
Gives Slocombe a blank stare; isn't this 1975?

(whispers to Lucas) Don't worry. Your secret is safe with us.

(clears throat) I wonder where Mr Grainger is....

Posted: 2:26 PM - Sep 03, 2011
Libby_W
I hope his old lady didn't get on him for staying out late the other night. <giggles as he preps his area for the day> He only had one beer, the poor devil, he felt so out of place with Ol' Slocumbe nuzzleling up to that Jim fella and Shirley fighting with Nick.

Btw, if anyone asks...I was playing with the neighbour kids and things got rough during a game of tag. I'd wink but...<points to eye>

Posted: 4:51 PM - Sep 03, 2011
Claybourne
Humphries: I've got just the thing for that. (rummages in his personal drawer and extracts two items) Here, sit down and hold still. (he opens a jar of some sort of analgesic cream and dips his finger in) This will bring down the swelling in no time. (dabs a little around Lucas' eye and gently rubs it in) I bruise easily and use this all the time to minimise swelling. And when that kicks in, we'll use this to hide it. (holds up a small bag of cosmetics) Don't look at me like that! Lots of macho men use this to hide blemishes on their faces.

Lucas: (snatches an eyeshadow case from it) How'm I supposed to look macho with...jade green? Peacock blue? Cinnamon sunset?! Cappucino delight?! This isn't make-up. This is a coffee shoppe menu.

Humphries: Shut up and let me work my magic. (he smears some stuff on Dick's face and a few moments later you can't tell he has a black eye, but you can tell he's wearing make-up) Well! That's better. You look a bit like a cheap whore but at least you don't look like you've been duffing up dago baskets in a pub.

Posted: 5:04 PM - Sep 03, 2011
RideUpWithWear
The elevator doors open and Mr. Grainger enters the department. He makes it down the stairs and waves hello hurriedly at Captain Peacock. He doesn't realize that Rumbold is there until he reaches his counter.

He is about to say 'hello' when he notices Humpries apply makeup to Lucas's face ...

bigeyed woah huh2

Grainger: Mr Humphries?

Humphries: (whispers) keep you voice down Mr. Grainger. Lucas ... Dick got into an accident this morning while waiting at his bus stop, apparently he was accused of jumping the queue.

Grainger: (whispers) That is a nasty bruise. Mind you I did get an earful at 5 a.m. when my wife listened to the BBC on the radio this morning. Apparently there was a fight in the pub that we went to last night.

unsure Mr. Lucas stared at Mr. Humphries nervously hoping that Grainger wouldn't realize that the 'hero' was Dick.

Humphries: (Whispers) The BBC featured a piece about the pub fight on the radio?

Grainger: (whispers) Oh yes. I haven't had a chance to read the newspaper yet, did the morning edition mention the pub fight?

Posted: 10:59 PM - Sep 03, 2011
Libby_W
Gah, Blimey...<whispers Mr. Lucas nervously as he stands and looks around the floor, hoping Captain Peacock nor Mr. Rumbold hadn't heard Mr. Grainger make that statement about the bar fight>

If it's on the airwaves along with the papers, that blasted reporter is bound to find out who the "hero" is.

What else could I do??? I couldn't let that bastard hit Shirley, now could I??

Posted: 11:13 PM - Sep 03, 2011
Claybourne
Now just calm down, Mr Lucas. It's not as if the police are going to release your name to the public. They have to keep these things secure. Besides, you ARE a hero! Just look at the way Miss Brahms watches you now.

They look across the floor at Brahms, who keeps sneaking glances at Lucas; she catches his eye and winks coyly at him

See that? She wants you. BAD.

Posted: 9:01 AM - Sep 04, 2011
Libby_W
<stands there, big grin, arms crossed.>

You're right. Blimey, after all these years of flirting and rude gestures, it took getting a bloody blackeye to win her over.

<leans against the counter and lovingly looks at Brahms, rubs his jaw, looks over at Humphries...>

She was worth it.

Posted: 5:38 PM - Sep 04, 2011
sueschmitt
We didn't make the news at that pub did we Mr. Grainger?

Mr. Humphries I saw one of those digital thingies on Dr. Who the other night. If the Doctor has one I'm sure they're available probably just very expensive but from what I heard, they are going to take the place of regular cameras.

Okay now Miss Brahams back to Jim and I. We had a very nice time at the pub. He got me home in his lorry. Mind you it was very difficult getting up into that cab of his. Fortunately he dug out a ladder to help me up. You know his lorry is quite nice inside. Aside from his steering wheel being on the wrong side it looks quite homey. He has a double sized bed and a small refrigerator with a two burner electric fire on top. He said he tries to make as many of his meals in his truck as he can so he can save his money. Any way, we got home and he parked his truck at the end of the cul-de-sac. He was such a gent. He got me to the door, gave me a nice peck on the cheek, made sure I got in safely and he slept in his truck. We had such a marvelous time this past weekend. He showed me how to make some of his favorite dishes. He made me up something Saturday night for dinner that he called Chili ConCarne. That's supposed to mean beans and meat. It was quite hot to eat but very tasty. He made something called corn bread made out of corn meal. He said he would have made me something called tortillas but he didn't have the proper equipment with him. Apparently they're something similar to flat bread. On Sunday I made him a roast of lamb with the mint sauce and parsley potatoes. In between we played darts and cards. We had such a good time. He had to leave this morning to go off to Wales for another couple of runs but he promised to call me on the CB tonight and check in. We're supposed to get together next weekend. You know Miss Brahams it is lovely to have a man to share things with without having that awful tussle.

Posted: 5:40 PM - Sep 04, 2011
Charlie
Did I hear that you had some trouble getting to work Mr. Lucas? I amazed you got here on time for a change. Mr. Grainger you went with them to the pub? I thought you were all going there to chaperone Mrs. Slocumbe in case her date turned out to be a cad.

Posted: 8:25 PM - Sep 04, 2011
Claybourne
Humphries: I imagine James Bond had one of those cameras; probably hidden in his glasses or in his cufflinks.

He leafs through the sales paper; just then the opening bell rings and a few customers begin trickling in; a young man appears at the mens counter

Young Man: Excuse me...

Humphries: Oh, good morning! Are you being served, sir?

Young Man: I'm having tea and cake with the vicar this afternoon and I need a pair of black trousers.

Humphries: Ah yes. What size do you take?

Young Man: I'm, er, not sure. I've put on a bit of weight since I started working out a few months ago.

Humphries: Oh really? (grins) Well, let's just have a look. (whips out his tape measure and reaches around) Waist, thirty-three. Now for the inside leg...ohoho my! Such strong quadriceps. Let's see...inside leg, thirty. Thirty-three thirty in black. Give me just a moment and I shall retrieve them for you. (minces to the stockroom)

Young man: (looks at Lucas) Does he always walk like that?

Posted: 10:12 PM - Sep 04, 2011
Libby_W
Yes, yes he does sir.<answers Mr. Lucas with a giggle>

But, he does have a knack for fitting pants first time. You'll be amazed on how these pants will fit.

<Upon stating, Mr. Humphries returns with the pants and asks the gentleman to step into the fitting room to try them on.>

<glancing over to see Captain Peacock staring over at him, he decides to walk to the edge of the counter and confront him about his trouble at the queue>

Captain Peacock, are you free?

Captain Peacock: <looks left, then right> At the moment Mr. Lucas.

I just wanted to let you know about this shiner on me left eye...You see, this scally wad was in a bad mood this morning at the queue, and when I showed up and stood at a certain spot, I guess it was his breaking point. So he hauled off and slugged me. Then left. <sighed while shaking head and shrugging shoulders>

Captain Peacock: I see. Well, I'm glad you didn't take that opportunity to try to take off today, Mr. Lucas. Show's true maturity. If you need to see the Sister later for a head-ache, just let me know. Now, back to your station.

Yes, Captain Peacock. < salutes >

Posted: 8:03 PM - Sep 05, 2011
GBOwner
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